It is 00:36 AM and I have absolutely no tiredness inside me so I've decided to write a blog post (as you do). This could grow to be either another of my mistakes or something I live to be proud of, which I highly doubt.
In general, I class myself as an easy going person and I usually just let things slide but at night time is when my stress head turns on and I start stressing about things that are out of my control such as death or the past, things I could've dealed with differently and even specific conversations or situations from years ago and I can never find a way to stop thinking about them.
When I was driving I came to the realization (and I hope you can take it... ok stop) this year is so different to any others. I feel so content within myself and happy with who I am, happy with the person I am becoming and I have started not giving a toot about anybody else and it has done me the world of good.
Obviously the "not giving a toot" can be taken two very different ways, I personally don't care what people think anymore, I do what I want to do because I want to do it and that is a good enough reason, I don't have to explain myself to nobody (in certain boundaries of course).
But on the other hand "not giving a toot" can also lead to being a stuck up self centered cow who thinks the world only revolves around them and that is not who I am or want to be, I've already dealed way too many of those and it is not a pretty sight.
In all honestly I don't know where I am going with this post or the point I am trying to give across but I just want you to know, whatever you are going through, whatever insecurities you have, I just want you to know that everything gets better. It will get better. I know it is really cliche and really hard to see, but I've been there, done that and honestly, when I look back on it now I am glad I went through it. I had to hit rock bottom in order to be a stronger person (and I mean the absolute rock bottom), everything I have gone through has made me the person I am today and has taught so many lessons.
Two of the biggest lessons that have come out of this is 1. You don't find your worth in a man and 2. Just let let things go.
I spent so long wasting time with boys in order to make myself feel good or feel worthy or just feel something when in reality you need to spend time with yourself and love yourself in order to really feel those things. "You don't find your worth in a man, you find worth within yourself and then a man worthy of you." Start loving yourself before you try loving anyone else and trust me, so many great things will come from it.
Simply let things go with the wind. Do not hold on to things, you will only dwell on things and they will bring you down.
Easy to say as one of the most easygoing people, I know, but I can assure it will do you the world of good. When letting go, I don't only mean people's opinions or comments or the fact that someone you like hasn't followed you back on Instagram. I mean negative things you are chasing, things you are so used to that you just go with them, no matter how low they make you feel or how little you deserve them to carry on, just let go. Do you know that childhood friendship that you are fighting to keep alive just for the memories yet you have nothing in common? Let it go. The guy who's playing with your emotions despite the clear fact he isn't interested? Let him go. Be the bigger person and for yourself this time. I did it and all I can say is "I wish I had done it sooner".
Everyday is a new day so make this one count, make it one to remember and make it better than the previous, who knows when will be the last.
