advice

Up Past Bedtime.

21:23



It is 00:36 AM and I have absolutely no tiredness inside me so I've decided to write a blog post (as you do). This could grow to be either another of my mistakes or something I live to be proud of, which I highly doubt.
In general, I class myself as an easy going person and I usually just let things slide but at night time is when my stress head turns on and I start stressing about things that are out of my control such as death or the past, things I could've dealed with differently and even specific conversations or situations from years ago and I can never find a way to stop thinking about them.

When I was driving I came to the realization (and I hope you can take it... ok stop) this year is so different to any others. I feel so content within myself and happy with who I am, happy with the person I am becoming and I have started not giving a toot about anybody else and it has done me the world of good.
Obviously the "not giving a toot" can be taken two very different ways, I personally don't care what people think anymore, I do what I want to do because I want to do it and that is a good enough reason, I don't have to explain myself to nobody (in certain boundaries of course).
But on the other hand "not giving a toot" can also lead to being a stuck up self centered cow who thinks the world only revolves around them and that is not who I am or want to be, I've already dealed way too many of those and it is not a pretty sight.

In all honestly I don't know where I am going with this post or the point I am trying to give across but I just want you to know, whatever you are going through, whatever insecurities you have, I just want you to know that everything gets better. It will get better. I know it is really cliche and really hard to see, but I've been there, done that and honestly, when I look back on it now I am glad I went through it. I had to hit rock bottom in order to be a stronger person (and I mean the absolute rock bottom), everything I have gone through has made me the person I am today and has taught so many lessons.

Two of the biggest lessons that have come out of this is 1. You don't find your worth in a man and 2. Just let let things go.

 I spent so long wasting time with boys in order to make myself feel good or feel worthy or just feel something when in reality you need to spend time with yourself and love yourself in order to really feel those things. "You don't find your worth in a man, you find worth within yourself and then a man worthy of you." Start loving yourself before you try loving anyone else and trust me, so many great things will come from it.

Simply let things go with the wind. Do not hold on to things, you will only dwell on things and they will bring you down.
Easy to say as one of the most easygoing people, I know, but I can assure it will do you the world of good. When letting go, I don't only mean people's opinions or comments or the fact that someone you like hasn't followed you back on Instagram. I mean negative things you are chasing, things you are so used to that you just go with them, no matter how low they make you feel or how little you deserve them to carry on, just let go. Do you know that childhood friendship that you are fighting to keep alive just for the memories yet you have nothing in common? Let it go. The guy who's playing with your emotions despite the clear fact he isn't interested? Let him go. Be the bigger person and for yourself this time. I did it and all I can say is "I wish I had done it sooner".

Everyday is a new day so make this one count, make it one to remember and make it better than the previous, who knows when will be the last.


boyfriend

Love.

20:28



Love is something so simple, but also something really complex. It is something that can make us really happy, but, without a doubt, it can also make us suffer.

There are unhealthy relationships that cause us more sadness, disappointment and pain than happiness and joy. But for a reason, we tie ourselves to the relationship. We try over and over to try again, we hold on to words and actions that no longer have anything to do with reality or even with the person we love. We end up so confused and lost in our imagination and we don't know what to do.

Its never a bad thing to love someone with all your heart, to fight for that love and to want things to work out. What is bad, is for the feelings not to be mutual and you just hang on by a thread in case that person decides to change there feelings and to suddenly love you as much as you love them.
It is true that who does not put cash on the table, doesn't win, but sometimes risking everything for a complicated relationship just isn't worth it. “Give everything expecting nothing in return” sounds like a bit of a risky theory to me, because, although you fight all you can for what you feel, if the other person doesn't contribute, it will all burn down. If that person truly loved you, they wouldn't doubt proving it and you wouldn't have to fight.

Maybe there was a time when that person loved you, but something happened along the road, there became a point where that thread broke and the magic escaped. That doesn't make someone a bad person and it doesn't give them the blame. The love just ended.

On the other hand, there are people that just simply aren't worth it, let alone worth your love or your time, those people who are always disappointed because their expectations aren't real, or those who live in the past rather than the present. There are also insecure people who need constant reassurance so they know they are loved and there are also frustrated people who are unhappy with their lives so they try and control their partners happiness until they lose freedom. This is without mentioning the untruthful people, those who don't know how to appreciate the love and the trust of the people who truly love them.

True love fills us with power and happiness to fight, but it is devastating to not feel loved, when that person isn't willing to give it a try, when they won't change their attitude and won't do what they promise. Then, without a doubt, comes the question that we all have, that comes from the bottom of our soul and needs an answer “Is it worth it?”

Along with it comes an answer that makes you look towards yourself, respect yourself and value yourself and more than anything, love yourself, because, if you can't do that, nobody else can. If you manage to see all the good in yourself and you decide to fight for yourself first, you will find an exit to the right answer.

I know how hard it is to leave someone you love, especially when you get excited about things that never happened but you need to accept it, be strong, and understand that sometimes it is better to walk away than to carry on wasting time on people who don't love you nor need you. You are worth so much, yet you are sat around waiting for a call, a message, or just waiting to find out if they genuinely love you or they are only killing time.

Nobody deserves less, and nobody deserves to suffer over someone who doesn't care about them. Sadly, you have to go through it to know it, but it is just another life lesson and a great opportunity to strengthen your self-love. It is time to wave goodbye to all the tears you have shed and although I can't guarantee the road will be easy, or there won't be any rocks in the way, I can guarantee that you deserve happiness, so don't ever forget that.

Don't waste your life nor your time on something that doesn't make you grow as a person. Don't let anybody take that smile off your face because it is time to live your life and to cherish every second.




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