So this post is a very overdue one, I have been planning out and wanting to write for a few weeks, but I'm to lazy to just sit down and get to it so I thought I'd finally just get to it.

          This is a notebook filled with ramblings and scribblings from last year.


          This is a handmade bracelet given to me a year ago.


          And this is a picture I took whilst I was on holiday a couple of weeks ago.
          All of these things have one thing in common, and that is that they are all memories. 





          This pare of cute "jelly" shoes.


          This pair of old trousers.


          Even a song by Ed Sheeran can take you back to a time and a place.
          My biggest issue is that I live to much in the past. I look at all these possessions whenever I am down or upset and I think how happy I was, and I forget that in the future there will be more memories to be had, ones that are probably more happy and positive than the previous ones. That being sad, sometimes your memories can haunt you, and sometimes I can be looking through old pictures and things and I'm almost haunted by how things were, and in that case you almost want to just forget and want to not think about it.
          So memories are a tricky thing, you either love them in such way you even want to try and relive them, or you just hate a memory and you want nothing more than to just move on and forget a memory.
          When you think about it, everything is just a memory. A minute goes by, and then an hour and then a day and then that's in the past and that's a memory. Sometimes it is hard to not look back at the past and not feel some kind of sadness, but it is important to remember that everything we have been through defines us in some way, good or bad it has made us the person we are today.
          Don't let the past haunt you, let it guide you and help you in the future. Learn from your mistakes so you don't do them again. And the thing about this blog is that it is just going to be another memory in your head, but I hope it is a good thing and kind of a positive one.
          Anyway, that is just what I've been thinking of today. Leave a comment telling me what you think about memories and how you think you should move on from the past, and as usual if you like the blog please go ahead and share it, and I will hopefully see you guys soon. Bye bye Xx

          As most of you may or may not know, I live in Spain and the temperatures here aren't exactly mild, they get quite unbearable. High temperatures is good for some things like going to the pool or the beach and laying around in the sun, but bad for those bodies, I hate getting my skinny, non toned body out, so this year I am doing a "bikini exercise routine" to hopefully prepare myself a little more for this summer.

  I'm not hoping for a Kim K body or anything like it, but I am really enjoying doing these exercises at least once a day and it makes me feel much better about myself, and hopefully there will be a slight improvement after a couple of months, especially with all the pain in my muscles I have been putting up with.
For those of you who may want to try out a exercise routine, mine is a quick and simple 8 minute routine that easily makes those muscles burn.
  -Butt workout (warm up):
          - 4 neck rolls to the left.
          - 4 neck rolls to the right.
          - 4 shoulder rolls forwards.
          - 4 shoulder rolls backwards.
          - 10 jumping jacks.
             -The part when it all gets a bit more real:
           - 30 sec curtsy lounge (click on the names for examples of the exercises).
           - 60 sec dead lift high pulls.
           - x10 alternate lunges.
           - x10 lunge scissor switches.
           - x10 alternate lunges.
           - x10 lunge scissor switches.
              -For this part you need to get out your yoga mat, or on a carpet around your house works just as good.
          - 60 sec hip raises.
          - 30 sec one leg hip raises.
                - 30 sec one leg hip raises,  but with the other leg.
          - 30 sec the fire-hydrant
          - 30 sec the fire-hydrant, but with the other leg.
          - 30 sec donkey kicks (believe me, here you start to feel it).
          - 30 sec donkey kicks, but with the other leg.

Firstly, I want to say thank you to all of you who have stayed by me and followed me although I've failed to upload trillions of videos I've promised, and here I am going to tell you the reasons on why they didn't make it to the big internet world and I really hope you'll understand and be there for me although I'm not as good as my expectations at the things I love doing. 
So, for making a YouTube video, there are some fundamental instructions that you need to take in mind and for me personally, they aren't easy. First, I need to pick the right time, a time when my brother (or any other member of my family) aren't going to barge in and interrupt me every ten minutes, and a time that you can't hear GTA playing in the room next door and lots of teenage boys laughing and joking along. Another fact that I highly take in mind is lighting, you need either a decent amount of natural day light (which I don't get in my bedroom, due to the fact there is a massive tree right in front of my window), or a nice pair of fluorescent lights that they sell at a camera shop (which I haven't got the money for at the moment), and one of the other worries that I have, coming to the time of filming a video, or attempting to is balancing boxes on top of books, on top of more boxes and on a chair (that happens to be a desk chair, that spins) and then trying to balance your camera on top, and straighten it out to what looks like an even angle, and then sitting down and struggling to make sure if you should add another book or take one away. To finish it off, there is the editing, once I have filmed, or atempted to film a video, I sit back the next day and open it in MovieMaker to atempt to edit it, and then it starts, I start cutting away, and cutting away, the lighting starts changing, my mum keeps on shouting at a dog in the background, I keep cringing at myself until I get to the part of the video when I start introducing products or clothes, and then I have to turn it off, I can't deal with so much cringiness. Watching Zoella's videos isn't good for me, it makes my expectations be so high up, but then I watch other videos, like Bianca's who doesn't use lighting, or a camera and that brings me down yet again, she's beautiful, she doesn't edit ANYTHING throughout all her video.
So as a summary of everything I just wrote above and the real meaning of this post, once I start filming a video, I just end up rubbing it off, but this time I'm not, I am going to film an outdoors video, in full sunny daylight, I am going to laugh at myself editing it and I am going to upload it. So you heard it, or read it here first, I AM REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL MIGHT TURN INTO but it needs to happen, if it doesn't happen now, it never will, I will never start uploading, and it will always just be the one Ellie and Laila video. 
Thank you again, for reading and just being there, and hopefully I will see you soon with another post about my video. 
For those of you who might want to follow my so interesting YouTube, here's the link. Until next time, E. xx

     Following your heart is all about the actions you are taking and the person you are being, and doing what you love means you listen to your intuition, you take actions according to what you love, following you passions and you express your unique gifts and talents to the world with no fear.
     Our society today is driven by our minds, our fears and our ego. We do not place as much value and emphasis on passion, love and spiritual purpose. Instead, it is all about the external success, money, security, stability and reputation, and as a result many of us do not feel it is important to tune in to our hearts and hear what it wants. We are too busy trying to get ahead and make something of ourselves in this world.
     This is why when you attempt to start following your heart, your head will be really quick to doubt your actions. This fearful mind, also called your ego, will bring up all the reasons why you cannot do what you desire. It will trigger memories and feelings from the past that add such power to the case you decide that it is better to just stay where you are.

     Sometimes, we must look at our life honestly and truly evaluate what parts of it we love and which we don't.
     Often, your heart's desire may mean that you have to go against what your family wants for you, or what your friends expect of you. It may mean facing your fears and doing something you love, yet are petrified of at the same time. It may mean that you have to do something different than what others want you to do. It may mean learning to listen to a deep inner voice, rather than the loud forceful voice of the outer world.
     The decision to follow your heart is a journey. If you have been living a life that is not heart driven, the decision to follow your heart will most likely turn your world upside down. It may be a scary road, but that is what life is all about.
     People have these amazing, beautiful dreams and desires, but they ignore them to such a point they tell themselves they can never have them. For most people, it is much easier to live in denial than to actually face what it is they really want. They would rather pretend they are happy with what they have and justify to themselves that their inner dreams are not really that important anyway.
     Don't you think it is time you were honest with yourself? Time to find out what you really want from life and stop pretending? xx

     Anxiety is something we all experience from time to time. Most of us would recognize feelings of tension, worry or fear. But if you experience anxiety symptoms at higher levels than usual, or they stay at high levels for long periods of time, this could become really uncomfortable and interfere with everyday life.
     Anxiety disorders are one of the most common mental health problems, affecting 1 in 4 people in the UK each year. Still people within most societies view these people as threatening and uncomfortable and these attitudes frequently lead to exclusion or discrimination towards people with mental health problems, which can make it much harder for people to speak openly about what they are going through and seek the help they need.
     Anxiety can be present continuously or triggered by specific situations.
     For some people, anxiety can take over there lives, as panic attacks are an exaggeration of the body's normal response to fear, stress or excitement.
     Depression is another, more serious mental illness, and one that requires long-term treatment and support.
Many people suffer from depression, but sometimes it can make you feel as if you are alone in your struggle.
     Mental health problems are common, but nearly nine in ten people who experience them face stigma or discrimination, and this can be one of the hardest parts of the overall experience, as it can lead to the lost of friendships, isolation, exclusion, difficulties in getting jobs and so on.
     But it doesn't have to be this way. The aim of most Mental Health Campaigns is to encourage us all to be more aware about mental health and for us all to start conversations to help others.

     No, I'm not talking in terms of size or height, or anything physical. I'm talking about outgrowing personally, mentally or even emotionally.
     Every type of relationship is a journey not a destination and as we change and grow as a person due to experiences or situations that life brings to us, sometimes, instead of bringing people closer, we push them away.
     The thing is, people change.
     Out growing someone doesn't mean you are above them or better than them, it just means that you are in different stages of life. 
     I'll be the first to admit I've felt compromised into a relationship, either because of the past or because of the memories I've felt forced to forgive someone.
     It is 100% OK for this to happen. However, for some the idea that your friendship with someone is not what it once was can be a sad prospect, maybe they saw you through a rough time and you appreciate it, but are they really worth it?
     Let me just say, a few years ago, I had a lot of 'best friends', or even 'close friends', or 'friends I met through other friends' and so on. It made me feel good to have so many friends, because I could always go out, or meet up with someone. Eventually, this all began to change. Those who I concidered my close friends began to distance, everyone went there separate ways, they started changing, there was now the drunk friend, the angry friend, the friend that only texted me when they needed something, the hating friend.. I think you get the idea. I went through a period of self-reflection and asked myself if it was perhaps me.
     Well, let me just say I was wrong. There was nothing wrong with me, I was growing up. Everyone gets to a point in life where they face decisions, and for some reason friendships are the most difficult. But for me, they weren't true friendships in the true concept of the word. Little by little I began cutting ties to people who no longer made sence in my life.
     This year my priorities began to shift and I couldn't and wouldn't  let myself deal with bullshit no longer. In my opinion, the best thing of being self-aware, is you begin to see through peoples bullshit faster than ever. Unfortunately, most people aren't self-aware and refuse to accept their issues. But I, have made the conscious effort to keep the people that are good for me, close, and those who aren't, as far away as possible. I don't believe for a second that because I was once friends with someone they should still feel entitled to my friendship now. 
     What about you, have you been through anything like this? xx

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!
     Yes, you read it right, on the 25th of January I have randomly written a blog post to wish you all a good 2015.
     Mine has started off pretty well, in 25 days I have been noticed by Romeo Lacoste about three times, I have gained a follow from James Yammouni, Rebecca Fox reblogged one of my posts, I have gained 150 notes on one of my own photos on tumblr, therealblasian followed me in 2014 but I have only just realized she also answered my direct message, Steven Dartle noticed me AGAIN, Stef, Hannah and Alfie all noticed me and liked my YouTube video and last but not least, neither Aston Merrygold or JJ have yet unfollowed me on twitter.
     And all that is without mentioning the fact that I have finally started focusing on my future and what I need in life, and by this I mean that I am not going to let 2015 be like last year, I now know who I need in my life and who I don't, and lets call this year 'the change'.
This year I am going to be changing to a better me, a more grown up me some of you may prefer to say. I shall tell you:
          1. I am finishing school in June (hopefully). This means I should stick in and get studying for the last strech.
          2. I am 18 this year. This means people are going to expect more from me and I am going to make them proud (or at least try)
          3. I am moving house. No, I am not moving out. Not yet. My parents and me have decided it will be better if we move to a town nearer to my dads job, so he doesn't have to spend a whole weekend away from home, especially as he isn't getting younger. This means lots of new oportunities for me like new people or new friends, a job, a car maybe and just a chance for us all to start from zero. The only problem is my brother doesn't want to move. He doesn't want to move anywhere away from his girlfriend even though he hasn't got a car, job, money, he basically has no way of living on his own. I just hope this doesn't ruin it for us.
     The problem with the house we are living in now is lack of neighbors that my mum can talk to and go out with so she can have a laugh and a normal life, I don't tend to go out either, I just stay at home on the internet and my dad is always working, so that means he isn't at home. The house has got a brilliant pool and a good sized land, but it is so big it just needs so much money and time spending on it so it could feel like a home, and we aren't prepared to do that as it is a rented property.
     Anyway, I am not quite sure how I got into that deep property talk, but all I was wanting to say is that I am going to make the most of this year and film as much as possible of it so I can make it one to remember, and hopefully the one when my life gets better.
     Until soon, Ellie x