I ended 2018 as I mean to go on...
During 2018 instead of waiting until the 1st of January to start my so called "resolutions", mid December I decided Why not now? Instead of waiting twelve more days, twenty or even two to start living my best life (so cliché, I know, sorry, yep...) Why not now?
I want to be the best version of myself for myself, I want to love what I do and do what I love, I want to spend time with the people I love and I want to squeeze every last drop out of life. I´ve spent this past year or even two dwelling on decisions I have made, places I´ve missed out on going to, what if this and what if that, when the real problem is NOW. Live now cause you have no clue what will happen tomorrow.
One year, I was probably about eleven, or twelve (maybe?), my best friend at the time Valeria, helped me build up enough courage to write this boy, lets call him Jake, a letter which I actually still have hidden away because of how obsessed I was over him, where I told him how much I loved him. It went something like this:
Hi Jake, there is something I've wanted to tell you for a bit now
but I'm scared to let you know because you are a great
friend and I don't want to lose you. I love you.
I'm only telling you this to get it off my chest because I do,
I really love you but its okay if you don't feel the same way,
I understand it. Please don't let this change anything
because you're a great friend and I wouldn't change you for the world.
I know, awkward!
Once I spent a whole class hour writing this and re-writing it in the perfect font and spelling, I remember I gave it to Valeria to give to Jake between classes because I was too embarrassed to.
An hour later as I was walking into my last class of the day, which I remember perfectly was maths in the BD room, Jake walked up to me and gave me a letter back which was folded and he had drawn Jake & Ellie in a love heart on the front of it. Inside it, he had written something along the lines of:
Hi Ellie, don't worry because you won't lose me as a friend,
I will always be your friend no matter what.
Its okay if you love me but I'm sorry I don't love you back because I
love Rachel. BTW, Rachel has just split up with Richard so if you'd like
to show her this letter to make her jealous it'd be great.
See ya!
Hello Ellie, I'm Maria, Jake's friend.
Don't take any notice of what he says, Rachel is stupid and
Jake is worth so much better. I don't know who you
are so if you see me in the corridor please say hello so I can get to know you.
Good luck! Jake&Ellie.
Now, lets be honest, that letter is completely mortifying, what a horrible thing to say to me, but I took it like a pat on the back and didn't even care, I was over the moon that I'd got a response and I even "went out with him" days after this, although that didn't even last a week I don't think.
I have loads of old "love" stories and these are the best ones, these days everything is taken way too serious (lol).
Love
is something so simple, but also something really complex. It is
something that can make us really happy, but, without a doubt, it can
also make us suffer.
There
are unhealthy relationships that cause us more sadness,
disappointment and pain than happiness and joy. But for a reason, we
tie ourselves to the relationship. We try over and over to try again,
we hold on to words and actions that no longer have anything to do
with reality or even with the person we love. We end up so confused
and lost in our imagination and we don't know what to do.
Its
never a bad thing to love someone with all your heart, to fight for
that love and to want things to work out. What is bad, is for the
feelings not to be mutual and you just hang on by a thread in case
that person decides to change there feelings and to suddenly love you
as much as you love them.
It
is true that who does not put cash on the table, doesn't win, but
sometimes risking everything for a complicated relationship just
isn't worth it. “Give everything expecting nothing in return” sounds
like a bit of a risky theory to me, because, although you fight all
you can for what you feel, if the other person doesn't contribute, it
will all burn down. If that person truly loved you, they wouldn't
doubt proving it and you wouldn't have to fight.
Maybe
there was a time when that person loved you, but something happened
along the road, there became a point where that thread broke and the
magic escaped. That doesn't make someone a bad person and it doesn't
give them the blame. The love just ended.
On
the other hand, there are people that just simply aren't worth it,
let alone worth your love or your time, those people who are always
disappointed because their expectations aren't real, or those who
live in the past rather than the present. There are also insecure
people who need constant reassurance so they know they are loved and
there are also frustrated people who are unhappy with their lives so
they try and control their partners happiness until they lose
freedom. This is without mentioning the untruthful people, those who
don't know how to appreciate the love and the trust of the people who
truly love them.
True
love fills us with power and happiness to fight, but it is
devastating to not feel loved, when that person isn't willing
to give it a try, when they won't change their attitude and won't do
what they promise. Then, without a doubt, comes the question that we
all have, that comes from the bottom of our soul and needs an answer
“Is it worth it?”
Along
with it comes an answer that makes you look towards yourself, respect
yourself and value yourself and more than anything, love yourself,
because, if you can't do that, nobody else can. If you manage
to see all the good in yourself and you decide to fight for yourself
first, you will find an exit to the right answer.
I
know how hard it is to leave someone you love, especially when you
get excited about things that never happened but you need to accept
it, be strong, and understand that sometimes it is better to walk
away than to carry on wasting time on people who don't love you nor
need you. You are worth so much, yet you are sat around waiting for a
call, a message, or just waiting to find out if they genuinely love
you or they are only killing time.
Nobody
deserves less, and nobody deserves to suffer over someone who doesn't
care about them. Sadly, you have to go through it to know it, but it
is just another life lesson and a great opportunity to strengthen
your self-love. It is time to wave goodbye to all the tears you have
shed and although I can't guarantee the road will be easy, or there
won't be any rocks in the way, I can guarantee that you deserve
happiness, so don't ever forget that.
Don't
waste your life nor your time on something that doesn't make you grow
as a person. Don't let anybody take that smile off your face because
it is time to live your life
and to cherish every second.
In one of Rebecca's videos I remember her mentioning Zoella as one of her favorite YouTubers so I decided to google her and started off watching one of her Primark Hauls and then somehow I ended up on her vlog channel and then Playlist live with the British Gang, Troye, Tyler, Joey Graceffa, Miranda Sings and so one until I just got addicted. All I did back then was either school or swimming pool, YouTube, eat, YouTube, eat, sleep, YouTube and so on.
I remember being a time when I was obsessed with Jack and Finn and I would watch their videos on repeat. Fun fact: I've watched their Rickshaw Run videos about three times and I'm not even guilty.
During the end of 2014 I decided to upload my first ever video to YouTube being the Furry Friend Tag with Laila (which is still currently on my channel), I did actually film a haul and some kind of Halloween video before then but I never built up the courage to upload either of those. After uploading my first ever video with Laila I remember being getting really nice comments from my Intenet Friends and an amazing feedback and I never really worried about my "school friends" or "real life people" as my mum likes to call them and what they would say if they saw it. (Two years later and my brother is the only person who has seen / found my videos and I truly think it is only because he lives with me.)
Since then I never really uploaded until October 2015 and I remember I pre-filmed about 7 videos for the whole week I was away in Portugal and I loved it, ever since I haven't given up although I do lack inspiration sometimes and struggle producing content, but every time I look and see that over 1000 let alone 100 people have seen potential and subscribed to my channel I feel so happy and so proud of myself in my own little way.
I know I don't say it enough but I am so thankful to every single one of you who make me have a smile on my face everyday and support me through thick and thin. Thanks to YouTube I have met some amazing people who will hopefully forever be in my life, and as cringy as it may sound, thanks to YouTube I am now happy again. In 2014 I was going through a really rough time and knowing I could just switch off life and fall back on YouTube to make me laugh and smile really helped me out. Believe it or not, YouTube is an amazing platform and it has helped so many people and I just hope it continues this way for a long long time.
To end of, here is a list of my most watched YouTubers at the moment (embrace yourself, there are quite a few, also, I have linked their main channels, but I'm loving the vlogs more):
- Zoe Sugg.
- Joe Sugg.
- Alfie Deyes.
- Marcus Butler.
- Caspar Lee.
- The Saccone Jolys.
- The Michalacks.
- OKBaby.
- Hobbie Stuart.
- Shani Grimmond.
- Adam Waithe.
- Emily Canham.
- Jake Boys.
- Sam King.
- Mark Ferris.
- Hannah Renee.
- Gabriella Lindley.
- Jack Maynard.
- Daily Bumps.
- Saffron Barker.
- Jake Mitchell.
- Acacia & Jairus.
Thanks again, you are amazing! xx
Sunset is still my favorite colour and rainbow is second.
Mattie Stepanek
If you're a regular reader of my blog you will know I am a massive fan of makeup, animals, everything copper, and among them and many more, I am a massive fan of self-love and self-confidence, so when Lizzy gave me the opportunity to collab with her I took it as an offer I could not reject, so with that said (written) I am going to crack on and tell you my five top tricks.
1.- Self love and confidence means staying true to yourself always, don't obsess over what people think of you. Live life for yourself.
2.- Never do something you're uncomfortable with, remember the rules you have made for YOURSELF and hold on to them.
3.- Accept others and that will make you accept yourself more than you could ever imagine, don't judge others.
4.- Inspire.
5.- Have fun and don't let anything or anyone hold the freedom you have for yourself back.
Please don't forget to check out Lizzy's blog and her opinion and perspective about this topic, you can check out her blog here!
Thank you so much for your time and take care!x
Hi peeps!
So today I just feel like writing, or typing. I'm not sure what I want to write about, or type about so let me start by a quick disclaimer.
First of all, I'm sorry for my absence on my blog, one of the reasons being the fact I wasn't at home, I went away and spent some time with my family in Portugal and reason number two being I've been so busy with YouTube, house "issues" and personal life problems.
But now on the other hand, I also wanted to tell you a massive thank you. Thank you for all your support, all your constant worrying, comments, direct messages, thank you for simply being there, listening to me and even thank you for asking me my advice to you on certain topics.
With all that said now its time for me to do something for you, what blog posts would you like me to write? What videos would you like me to film? How can I help you?
If you've followed me on my blog for a few months, you will have read one of my most common posts called Follow Your Heart and just for in case you haven't you can read it here.
Since about June, July this year I have been loving everything makeup and fashion and I have been loving watching my makeup drawer grow, but that doesn't change the fact that I still have 5 guinea pigs, 5 dogs and 3 birds and neither does it change the fact that I sit around in pijamas all day everyday.
So far you will be wondering where on earth I am going with this, I'm not quite sure myself but its something like "do what makes you happy and do what makes you you", by this, I mean be a "country bumpkin" as my mum calls me, be a fashionista and do your makeup four times a day, do motorcycling, do Youtube, role around in mud even if that's what makes YOU happy.
In life we tend to let our lives be led by other peoples opinions and we shouldn't be, on the opposite, we should let our lives be led by what makes us happy and things we are passionate about.
The main thing you have to learn in life, and especially as a teenager is to stop caring what people think about you, because that's just going to hold you back from being who you are. People are ALWAYS going to have opinions on who you should be, but there's only one person who can actually choose that, and that is you, no ones comments define who you are.
You are you, don't change that or hide that to please other people.
When it comes to people not treating you right, it doesn't matter how long you have been friends for or how much you love them. How people treat you shows if they should be in your life or not. If this friend is not even there for you, then she (or he) isn't even a friend, because that's not what friends are.
Pushing people out of your life may seem hard at the beginning, but I promise it is worth it. If these "friends" are only radiating negative energy to you, you need to get that away from you so that you can be positive and have positive energy, and if that means cutting them completely out of your life, so be it.
I promise, its nothing to get upset over friends are going to come and go and some are going to hurt more than others.
As some of you may know, if you read one of my first 2015 posts, sometime this year we are hoping to move house, and as I am really, REALLY excited, I have already been looking up DIY ideas, and ways to re-boost our old furniture, or to just simply change them completely without spending hundreds of euros.
These are a couple of theme ideas I love for my bedroom and the kitchen, and I am still looking for some inspirational ideas for the other rooms, maybe you could link some photos below that you like the theme to? Do you know of any good blogs that may help me out for DIY ideas? xx
As most of you may or may not know, I live in Spain and the temperatures here aren't exactly mild, they get quite unbearable. High temperatures is good for some things like going to the pool or the beach and laying around in the sun, but bad for those bodies, I hate getting my skinny, non toned body out, so this year I am doing a "bikini exercise routine" to hopefully prepare myself a little more for this summer.
I'm not hoping for a Kim K body or anything like it, but I am really enjoying doing these exercises at least once a day and it makes me feel much better about myself, and hopefully there will be a slight improvement after a couple of months, especially with all the pain in my muscles I have been putting up with.
For those of you who may want to try out a exercise routine, mine is a quick and simple 8 minute routine that easily makes those muscles burn.
-Butt workout (warm up):
- 4 neck rolls to the left.
- 4 neck rolls to the right.
- 4 shoulder rolls forwards.
- 4 shoulder rolls backwards.
- 10 jumping jacks.
-The part when it all gets a bit more real:
- 30 sec curtsy lounge (click on the names for examples of the exercises).
- 60 sec dead lift high pulls.
- x10 alternate lunges.
- x10 lunge scissor switches.
- x10 alternate lunges.
- x10 lunge scissor switches.
-For this part you need to get out your yoga mat, or on a carpet around your house works just as good.
- 60 sec hip raises.
- 30 sec one leg hip raises.
- 30 sec one leg hip raises, but with the other leg.
- 30 sec the fire-hydrant
- 30 sec the fire-hydrant, but with the other leg.
- 30 sec donkey kicks (believe me, here you start to feel it).
- 30 sec donkey kicks, but with the other leg.
-Abb workout:
- 30 sec crunches.
- 30 sec crab tucks.
- 30 sec crab extends.
- 45 sec full sit ups.
- 30 sec oblique twists.
- 30 sec oblique twists with other leg.
- 45 sec bicycles crunches.
- x15 scissor switches.
- x15 scissor switches on other side.
- 45 sec leg lowers.
- 1 min plank.
- 35 sec hip dips.
So that is my exercise routine guys! I don't know how good it is, but it definitely makes me feel ten times better. Do you do any workouts? If you do, please leave some in the comments, I would love to try some out, and even add a couple to my daily exercises. xx
First of all I wanted to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the super-mummy's out there, and all the mummy's to-be, you are all doing a great job!
Being a mum, must be one of the most tough and terrifying yet amazing experiences, I imagine, as well as being one of the most surreal and exhausting ones. You can't just wait around nine months until your customized baby arrives, decide you don't like it, or it isn't your cup of tea and get rid, it is a very big responsibility. A responsibility that could cost you 60 years of your life if your not careful.
I know about 5 teenagers of my age and younger (16 or 17) that are pregnant, or that even already have a child, and although they are happy, and excited and in love with there little one, deep down they must regret it. They haven't even had a life yet, they haven't stopped relying on there parents yet, they probably haven't even been with there boyfriend enough time to know them in the right way, or even to know any different or if indeed they would love someone else more than him. I don't mean that in a bitchy way, I just mean that I don't believe you should stay with the first person you "love" when at this age, you don't even know the true meaning of the word. I think you should go out, and have fun, travel the world, with your loved one if that may please you, or simply just with a couple of your friends.
I don't know where I was trying to go in that last paragraph seen as I was changing the topic of this post a bit, but I simply want to wish a special Mother's Day to every single mum of every single age and nationality, and thank them for helping to create this "wonderful" world.
Lastly, I am just going to dedicate a quick paragraph to my mum, the best mum I could of asked for, and I want to thank her for staying strong even though me and my brother can be quite unbearable (especially my brother) and I also want to thank her for always being there through thick and thin, and thanks to her I am the person I am today. I wouldn't change you for the world mum! Xx
Thanks for reading! E xx
